When I was starting out in online dating, I was often too shy to ‘pull the trigger’ and ask for a woman’s phone number. This would lead to messages back and forth until the initial attraction completely fizzled and faded away. Some men offer their phone number in their first message to a woman, some get the number and never call, and some men are like I was, and are waiting for the ‘perfect time’ to ask for her number, eventually waiting too long.The quick and dirty guideline that I suggest is that you ask for her number by your third or fourth message. By this time, you’ve commented on similar likes and dislikes, maybe snuck in a joke or two, and learned enough about each other that you should logically be ready to hear eachother’s voices and to set up a date.
Once you decide to call her, there has already been enough comfort and attraction built from messages back and forth that a date is all but guaranteed to take place. That’s why I prefer to use the phone as a logical step from online dating to ‘offline’ dating.
How to Ask For Her Number:
Some men need ‘the perfect line’ to feel confident in asking a woman for a number. Sometimes I can understand that it feels awkward, but if you message a woman more than three or four times without asking for her number, she’s going to start wondering what’s up with you. If you are both showing interest in eachother by ending your messages with questions and keeping the communication fast and constant, then getting the phone number just plain makes sense.
There are two approaches that I have used with success. The flat-out logical approach, and
the humorous approach. Depending on the personality of your ‘target girl’ you can use either.
The flat-out approach goes something like:
“Hey, I enjoy talking to you. Why don’t you give me your number and I’ll give you a call this week.”
The humorous approach is:
“Listen, as much as I love having internet penpals, I like to meet people in real life, too. Give me your number and I’ll call you this week.”
However you ask, doesn’t really matter. If she’s into you (and you’ll know by the rate with which she replies to you, as well as her open ended questions at the end of her e-mails) then she’ll be glad to give you her number.
The next issue, of course, is what to talk about on the phone with a girl for the first time, and how to set up a first date over the phone.