How to Write a Better First Contact E-Mail

First impressions matter. Whether we’re talking looks or e-mails, your first impression is going to make or break your chances with the cutie that you send a message to. When I began in online dating, I had zero success, and the biggest reason for this was that I had no idea how to write a message that would lead to dates. I wrote too much, I was too sarcastic for my own good, and in general, just didn’t know what I was doing online. If only I had a guide of some sort…

How to Write a Great First Contact E-Mail on a Dating Site:

Remember the old adage “Keep it Simple, Stupid?” Well, it applies to online dating as well. When you write that first message, you want to keep it simple and short. One of the biggest mistakes that I see men and women making is writing long essays as their first message, trying to interpret everything from their target’s profile, telling their life stories, and generally appearing too try-hard.

Your first message should do nothing more than show some interest, throw a little bit of ‘bait’ their way, and finish with some type of question that would logically lead them to respond.

Remember a few important guidelines here:

  • When it comes to first messages, shorter is better.
  • Don’t tell too much about yourself, intrigue works in your favor at this stage.
  • If your profile doesn’t attract them, then long e-mails are a waste of time.


What to Write About in Your First Contact E-Mail:

Okay, so we’ve briefly told you that you shouldn’t

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appear too try hard, and you shouldn’t creep anyone out with long winded personal essays. So what should you include?

First of all – set yourself apart by showing that you actually read their profile. I’d say that 90%, men especially, on dating websites just spam users with “Hey what’s up” or “Hey I liked your profile” without actually reading the darn thing. Spend the few minutes it takes to look through their profile, and comment and expand on their interests, or hobbies that are common between you guys, or questions about one of their photos, etc. Just don’t appear like a spammer, and you should already be doing yourself a big favor.

Second – Tell a little bit about yourself (but not too much!) For example, if they say they love listening to Jimi Hendrix and you do too, then talk about your favorite track and why you love it so much, or ask them if they’ve seen a particular concert DVD where Jimi plays the guitar with his teeth. The point is – you’re not getting into your life story, you’re earnestly and genuinely commenting on something that stood out about their profile that you can also relate to.
Third – Finish your message with a question of some sort. If you’ve got nothing in mind, and nothing that you’ve written already that might lead to a question, you can simply ask how their weekend was. Pretty simple, just keep the question at the end which gives you a

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much better chance that they’ll respond. If they respond with a question, then the fish has most definitely bitten the hook 😉

Emotion + Positivity = Attraction!

Lastly, you must realize that writing with emotion and with positivity will be very attractive to most people who read your messages. If you saw a concert that her favorite band headlined, say how unbelievable it was, and how when they played their song that you like, you could feel it vibrating through your body. Be over-expressive and positive. I know that it might seem difficult if it’s not in your personality to be expressing yourself this way, but trust me, it builds attraction. If you’re concerned that you’re normally a level, boring dude, and that you’re misrepresenting yourself – well, we may have deeper issues there – but in general, stay positive, stay expressive, and stay light. After all, we are working toward more messages, a phone call, and date(s). Plenty more of your personality will be revealed then, but at the beginning of any relationship, we need that ‘spark.’ Positivity and emotion will help that spark more than anything else.

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One comment on “How to Write a Better First Contact E-Mail
  1. Christopher says:

    My question is that, often times I’ll get a one word reply, such as “Thanks” or if I’ve asked an open ended question, they will answer, but I rarely get them asking or inquiring about me. So can you tell me what I’m supposed to do with that?

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